Cover Photo: 9/18/18 | Love by Kurt Daniel

9/18/18 | Love

I'm perpetually heart-broken over the non-existent love I manifest within my own head

I don’t know how many more times I expect myself to endure this constant battle

Between the highs of your attention

And the lows of going to bed night after night alone

It is an inevitable disappointment of never hearing from you again.

Like a breeze on a summer afternoon

You’re here one minute

And gone the next.

And I fall for the same trick every time, like a broken record continually spinning

It seems like it never ends

And just when I think it’s over, it isn’t.

I am fooled once again under the false pretenses of love and all its facets

I suppose my cynicism drives the ongoing battle of hating yet craving this blank love

Because it never seems to flourish into something real or true

Yet I always believe deep down that maybe it will

If I didn’t feel as much pressure to have love, maybe this predicament wouldn’t exist

But we value love in all its forms

The weight of a thousand words get heavier and heavier when someone asks where my love is

It’s nowhere.

I thought it was here, but it isn’t.

I seem to be surrounded by lies the more I fall deeper into the ploy of love

Though the nights of crying myself to sleep are far and few between

Id be lying if I said they didn’t occur.

I must allow myself the vulnerability of admitting the challenges of love

Yet flourish in the revelation that I am worthy of love

When the time is right

And I won’t need to compromise my whole self

To appease the love that took time to develop and grow

Because with time, things will age and mature

And the love I seek will reveal itself 

And no more will the love in my head remain there

It will be real.